Is that a plane overhead?

Day 11-What do you think? Zip!! I am still fighting the urge to text him again because it just makes me crazy that he will not even bother to respond. I guess it is beneith him now.

Had another great day. Nothing big or huge happened just a good day at work and I am ready for bed now.

Snow's got a brand new bag!

Day 10-Still nada. I keep thinking that I should send a nasty text but then it would just go unnoticed as well. Let me tell you about my day.

Typical Monday in my kingdom with lots to do. Fortunately, I get great email relief during the day. Comic relief from "Flyboy". he always makes me laugh. Today was no exception. Today we chatted about an idea I have been tossing around and it led me to a decision.

I thought for a long time I was unworthy but you know I am worth someones time. I want to prove to myself I have gumption. I am going to get myself in the shape I want to be in and then I am going to document that shape with photos. I am going to send those photos to the prince and say guess what you have been missing. Might not matter to him one bit but for me to get up the courage to do this is huge for me. For me to tell someone I am doing this is even bigger. And for me to actually do this is my equivalent of jumping out of a plane. Taking the big leap and putting myself out there is so huge for me. I have always been a shy withdrawn person. I can't wait to take this journey and I am bringing my blog along for the ride. I don't care if anyone reads it but me. I plan to document my progress and then the visible results as well. No holding back this time. The fact I am taking those journey and also bringing "flyboy" along with me as my courage builder is big. He was there when i was so shy and so withdrawn that I could not even speak to him.

I have never felt worthy..Today I do!!

Greys Anatomy

Ok So I watch this tv show. I also hate Merideth. But last night she actually said something that was right on

"Whoever invented the phrase Happily Ever After, needs their ass kicked so hard"

Could not be more true.

Cinderella and the ball from hell!!

Day 8 & 9 came and went without a word. No tears just utter sadness at the fact that this prince has rivaled the toad in utter stupidity. Do they think women have no feelings? Myst. I used to tell this prince that he could turn it on and off like a water faucet and well he turned it off so fast my head spun.

Ran into an old friend yesterday. He has married and has a family. A 15 year old son. I am sure that this son will be like the guy I knew. Young full of life and carefree abandon. He told me of our other friends and how they too have grown up and had children and marriages and have settled down. So hard to believe. These were the wildest people I know. I am not talking party wild I am talking wild. Crazy do anything they wanted and were some of the nicest people I had ever met. They hung with a crowd called Goths. Now I had moved to this town and was introduced to this lifestyle. Tongue piercings and tattoos all over. Long hair, no hair, pink hair. No mater what I think that society judged them for the looks and never took the time to get to know the people. I did. I took nasty fall and broken my ankle and you know what these people did, they took me in and helped me when I thought I was alone. they became my family. My friends that taught me acceptance and tolerance. They were the ones I counted on and I made sure they all knew they could count on me as well. That's what people should do for each other. We all lost touch after the job I was hired to do in that town was over. The two people that moved me into their home after my accident got married, moved away and had 3 daughters. My twin as I call her married a looser and had a beautiful daughter. The guys we all loved to love and adore married and had children. So now the crowd to be has children that I hope they will pass on that acceptance and tolerance to them They can be the new fun gang that some girl who is looking for a group to belong to, to fit in with, will find this gang and they will make her life as full and as adventuress as this wonderful crowd made mine. I will uploading photos of this gang during those times very soon.

I sit here thinking that I am trying to relive the past because I hate the fact that I am alone in the future but you know you can go home. You can look back on yesterday and smile and reconnect with those old dear friends that make your life what it is today. i would not be who I am without all of these wonderful people. I would not be who I am without the toads and weasels of the world either. But for every toad there is at least 5 amazing rabbits in the world.

New Day-New Attitude

Day 7 and Snow White has a brand new plan. Forget waiting in the castle to be saved by the prince. I think this princess is going to make her own destiny. I started this blog because I was hurt and angry and sad. Now I am a little stronger. I think I will chart that progress. Don't worry the prince is still a part of the story only he may not know it just yet. The toads are all gone from my life and flyboy is still forever present making me laugh so hard I get stomach cramps. All in all my life is filling up again with plans and thoughts of a positive nature. I was told one to get my body the way I wanted it and then use and abuse the prince. That is the plan. Not sure about the use and abuse but I will see him again and I will find out why I was tossed aside. Only now it is a challenge. Now I am ready to move forward with my journey. I am going to charge forward with my goals and set my plan in motion.

First goal. Get the castle in order. I will feel better when I get that done tomorrow. After all tomorrow is another day.

Happy Birthday???

Day 6 passed without a single word and Day 6 begins with a text saying Happy Birthday. Today is not my birthday. I have been mistaken for someone else. Again I feel less than enough. The Price won't answer the phone. I called twice and nothing. The man is ignoring me. and if I could just be told whether or not he had turned into a jerk or just so busy. I am busy but I still manage time to obsess about this guy. I mean come on what is the deal??

I feel like I am invisible

Day 5 and still no call no text, no nothing. Snow White is feeling like maybe she is Sleeping Beauty. Maybe I feel asleep and that's why I can't get in touch with this prince. Guess I will have to keep hoping for the best.

Talk me Down!!

Someone talk me down. day 4 and I am feeling the need to reach out and touch someone so bad I can taste it. No one here to talk me off the ledge. I sent the prince a message, will he reply this time? I just don't see why he can't either say go fly a kite or sorry been busy, whatever it is I think i need to know. I think I deserve to know. Maybe I will wait and see if he replies and if not in a couple of hours I may just pick up the phone and reach out and strangle him.

So far no message. I seem like a desperate freak. he has turned me into a desperate freak. OMG what to do. Tell that fairy godmother to turn him into a door mat so i can stomp all over him.

So I guess by Day 4 I start getting mad about it. I feel hurt and angry now. No longer sad, at least not today. Just hurt and feel so mad. I had planned to visit him in the summer of 2009. I still want to. i don't want another 15 years to go by and me not get to see this person. Not get to tell him how I feel. That I am sorry for hurting him years ago. Is this payback for that? Time alone with your thoughts can make you dangerous.

What else is going on in the world these days? Gas prices, gas shortage. Waited in line today for 1 hour. 1 hour to think about why I was being ignored. Damn it! I can't function til I know what the hell is going on.

Snow White-Fair princess that is to be loved and adored. More like ignored and left in pain. Fairy tales make us think that a guy will come and sweep us off our feet and make our lonely sad worlds better. Not true. There is no prince charming, no white knight on a horse coming to save the day. Only men that treat women like they don't matter. That we are not good enough for them. We can't fit in between work, friends, football or whatever else they think they have that is more important. I have a job, I work long hard hours, I have friends, still I make time for someone and I am left to feel less than nothing. Left to feel like I was used and abused. My friend "flyboy" said I should use and abuse this guy. Truth is right now I would do just that to give him a small taste of how I feel. But I don't think i could. I would take one look at him and be lost in his blue eyes.

Maybe someday he will read this and see that I care. see that I am not without feelings. Until then i will continue to blog daily as to how I feel and maybe one day i will be able to look back at this and laugh. Right now I just want to cry.

Toads, Beetles, and Whales..Oh My!

Day 3 and so far no word from Prince Charming. On a day where I am likely to go home and cry it would be great to get a single text saying HI. But alas, nothing comes my way and I am forced to continue to wonder what I did wrong.

You read magazines and they say that he is just not interested. I don't believe that. Maybe I am being naive but I would like to this that this person is a lot like they prince I remember him to be. Smart, funny, and very sweet and honest. He was never the kind of guy to just bail on anyone like this. See my problem, I am torn between seeing this amazing prince to seeing him become a toad before my eyes.

Through all of this I have found another old friend that has made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurts. I could not get though this without his humor. You may ask why don't I ditch this prince for this guy. Well this person is unattainable. He is taken and I can't do a thing about it. besides, he is not the prince charming in this story.

Did the Queen Put the Prince to Sleep??

Day 2-Not a word last night from Prince Charming. I sat there last night thinking about why this is happening. Did he not like something I said? Did I send the wrong photo? So many things have ran through my mind as to why this guy has acted this way and I am full of ideas from bad to worse. Then I thought, it is not my fault, it is all him. He is the one missing out on me. I have been told that I need to find my gumption and get some attitude about it. Easier said than done. When you love someone you let all the reasons that they don't want you cloud the reasons they might. Am I no longer good enough? Stop it!! See if I keep letting these bad thoughts cloud my mind, I will keep feeling like I am not worthy of this person when deep down I know I am.

I heard a new song the other day by Taylor Swift, Love Story. It got me to thinking. Romeo and Juliet. Were they really in love and if so did they have to die? If they were not in love then was it just rebellion against their families. In high school I loved Shakespeare. I could quote Romeo and Juliet at the drop of a hat. Now as I have gotten older it seems to fade. However...I still remember wanting to feel that kind of love..The kind that makes you feel as if you can fly. I think i feel that again only someone is holding m wings down a little too tight.

What a month!

My name is Snow. I need therapy! I thought the best way to get some was for me to blog about my life and what is in my head from day to day. So I was thinking today, what happened to all the fairy tails in the world. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty. Found Prince Charming and All of these ladies got their happily ever after. Well in a land far far away called real life, we are not so lucky. Prince Charming is not charming, he is a real jerk!

So a little background on the reason this blog has came to be.

Many many years ago in a time far away there was a girl who met a great boy. She was so young and did not realize that this was the one, her Prince Charming. Well she dumped the prince for the toad that came along promising love ever after. That toad treated Snow like dirt. He eventually dumped Snow and went to treat her not only like dirt but a doormat that he could wipe his feet on when he wanted. Snow found the Prince who seemed to have moved on now and was happy. Snow fled the land to clear her head and find that mirror that seems to have lied to her many times now. She found solace in NY with many wonderful people that told her she was worth loving.

Snow, still believing the Toad left the city to return to the land that left her broken. Prince Charming was gone. He had left the land with another princess and Snow thought she would never see him again. even more broken Snow wandered the land for many years alone and just trying to find a purpose in life.

Some 15 years later with the aid of the internet (who needs that mean magic mirror anymore) the Prince found Snow and made her smile for the first time in years. Things seemed fine and snow found herself happy. People around thought they saw a change in Snow that was so wonderful. Snow realized how much of a mistake she made all those years ago. that her heart had never healed completely because this Prince still had the key. But something happened. Snow found herself alone, seems the Prince did not want Snow around as much as she thought. Was it a cruel trick on Snow for what she had done to him so many years ago, was the Prince just as bad as the Toad now? No one is sure..

So this fairy tale stands unfinished. I sit here wondering what happened to this prince and why in the world I am beating myself against a brick wall once again to get attention. Are all men jerks? I don't want to believe it. I miss this guy more than I can say and I guess being that we are many miles apart does not help but why does it have to be this way? Why can't he just tell me to either back off and go away or I don't know.. that he is just not interested.

Why do men find he need to jerk women around. It has happened for years. Women do it to men as well. It is not one sided. No one says what they mean anymore. You can't just tell someone how you feel whether it is good or bad. games have to be played and hearts get broken for no reason.

I put my heart on a shelf long ago and I thought I could take it down and dust it off...I was wrong. I am hoping that this blog will help me figure out just what I did wrong. I don't think i did anything wrong really. I just think that maybe I need a plane ticket to find out. What would he do if I show up on his doorstep one day...heart in my hand..offering it to him with all the love it has to give..who knows. But folks..that is the plan. I am working to that end. I am not giving up on this guy no matter what he may think.. So be warned fair Prince Charming. This Snow White is not going down without a fight..or at least an answer to this riddle.