Where did Snow go???

Not far I assure you. Been a long couple of weeks actually. We got word from the city that we had to move our office by the end of the month so I have been coordinating that and actually put final touches on the move today. We actually moved EVERYTHING and EVERYONE today. It was a very long day, very hard day and I am so tired I can't even see to type. But I do have word on the prince.

I got an email saying that he lost his phone..:( How sad, but is it true? I honestly don't know what to think. he says he has been busy as well which i can understand. not that I am making excuses at all for him. I am actually trying to call him right now to see what happens. Will he answer??? Uhhhhh....NO I got voicemail. I don't seem to be as upset about it tonight. I have faith that he is there and I will see him again and something will come of it. The only thing that gets me is that my friend "Flyboy" was not available by email all week and I got an email today explaining it. This guy does not owe me any explanation but yet I get one, one I can believe. A week of training. He has a very important job in the military and a family so i am not a priority which I am fine with. That is as it should be, only I feel like he has taken the time to let me know he cares, is still there and that I am not an afterthought. That is what makes me mad about the prince. I am out of site out of mind. We have a very intense history and yet he does not think enough of me to let me know whats going on. he calls himself a train wreck. Has me thinking something is going on but that he is not telling me. Pisses me off!!

With all that has been going on and all that has not...grrr I have not had time to really blog like I wanted. I plan to try and do better. I really feel that doing this helps me deal with how I feel.

One last ride with the top down!!

Have you ever just had a a dream that you wanted to make reality so bad that you could actually taste it? I have this thought. One last ride with the top down. A road trip with the prince that would solidify us together. We were always great in the car. We listened to music and had a blast just being together. hanging out was so much fun. He was my best friend.

So I can clearly see this road trip in my head so much that I can feel the wind in my hair. Nothing like a drive to Florida with the top down. Chatting the whole was about everything and nothing. laughing so hard that you sides hurt. Getting to know each other again and learning that you still care so much. That you still feel like you know that person so well you can hear their thoughts.

This is how I feel. I was fine a month ago. going about my life content in the thought that I would be alone for the rest of my life and then bam! Like a mac truck i was hit with the thought that I don't have to spend the rest of my life alone. I can be with someone. Problem is I don't think that person wants to be with me. Is it the fact that I want to be with someone or do i want that someone. That guy that still makes me smile. The guy that still makes my heart feel warm and full. The guy that makes me cry daily because he is ignoring me. Did I do this to myself? Believe me I am not sitting here crying thinking I will not move forward. i will and I will see this guy but will he want to see me? that scares the hell out of me. What if I get on that plane, fly to him, and then he wants nothing to do with me. What do I do then? Do I crawl home hurt and remain alone forever or do I just smile and leave with my head held high and move forward. Right now I think I will just work to the goal of getting myself ready to get on that plane and fight for what I want.

I miss the sound of his voice so much. I miss his laugh and his smile and I have not seen him in 15 years but I can see it as clearly as it was yesterday. racing around in a red mustang and feeling like it would last forever. Problem is that it did not. i screwed it up and I can't change that. I can fight for the future though.

Not sure why I care

Have you ever wondered why you bother caring about someone that just does not seem to care about you? I sit here reading this as I type and I know how crazy I sound. I sit here waiting for a man that lives 3000 miles from me to text, to call, to give me some sign that he gives a damn about me. I am not a stupid woman. I used to believe in fairy tales but I have seen that they are not real. No man is going ride up on a white horse or a shiny motorcycle and save me from my life.

I sometimes wonder if he just thought he was getting on over on me. Maybe after what I did 15 years ago he thought it would be funny to hurt me. I guess he and his friends are having a big laugh at this one.

Am I to feel like I lost the love of my life forever? I know people say that you will go on meet someone new and all that jazz but I don't want that. I want the guy that I gave up 15 years ago. i miss the man that made me happy. The guy that made me smile and laugh and brought so much into my life. he taught me how to love and how to be. I can't go a single day without doing something because he taught me how. i drive a 5-speed because he taught me how.

On my knees I will ask, one last chance for one last dance. One last dance would be amazing. I am planning for one more dance. No last to it at all. I am going to see this guy again. I am going to get my happy ending, my fairy tale kiss.

Just one chance, just one breath, just in case there is just one left. There is one left. I just have to keep believing that it will happen. I have work to do on myself before I can work on the us I am after. Time for me to rethink this.

If I have this time where I am being left out in the cold I can use it to my advantage. I can keep dreaming and work towards my goal. Wow, I have a new goal now. Time to get back on track and get my mojo back. Yes Snow White is back!! Snow believes life will be a fairy tale again. I might even go as far as to find the toad and tell him how I forgive him for hurting me and that I am sorry I hurt him as well. The toad and I were just wrong from the word go. It was all sideways. I want to get myself on track and I know I can do this.

Snow is finding her groove again.

This time I wonder???

Dreams are just not enough.. When your young and you read the fairy tales where the handsome prince saves the princess, you dream that your life will be like that. That you will find that one person to make your dreams come true. Problem with that is that sometimes the princess has to make her own dreams come true and then find the prince she deserves.

I think every woman deserves happiness. But you can't wait on a man to give it to you. Mostly, because men just are not reliable. Men don't get that women need to be told they care, shown they are worthy of our love and trust. My friend "flyboy" tells me he tells his wife that he loves her and sometimes she has trouble believing that he is being honest. I told him that he has to tell her daily, show her how he feels, not just expect her to know. We don't read minds. Guys, no matter what you think we don't have powers like that. We can burn you with a look but we can't read your minds. Primareilly this is because a man does not think with the head on his shoulders and well we can't see through your pants to get to the brain.

So if you can't tell by reading this post, the prince is not really back in the picture. he popped in said Hi and vanished again. I am upset bu not complely gone like I was 18 days ago. I am pissed this time. I am motivated to make him regret ever causing me a moment of unhappiness.

In a land far far away, there lives a prince who went on holiday only to come back and not care that he left the best thing that ever happened to him alone and hurt. will I ever let him read this blog? Not sure. You ask, do I tell him how I feel, well I would if he would give me the chance. Right now I am thinking that he does not care how I feel. That is not a great feeling.

There has got to be someone to understand this. Someone to say "Snow, your insane." I think mainly these ramblings are just my way of trying to stay sane. I I sat and thought about all of this I would go nuts. So I am not sitting and thinking. I am acting. I am going to go about my life like nothing is wrong. that I don't cry myself to sleep because the one person i thought would never do this to me has after all let me down. Is it because of the past? Is it because of me now? Am I not worthy of love?

Snow White got her groove back!

18 days with nothing and I got used to it. Now there has been texts but no real content. I still don't have the answer I wanted and I am confused. But..I have my groove back. My groove is the motivation to get through the hurdles I need to so that I can do the things I need to... that I want to. I have been challenged to do things by Flyboy and I am hell bent on doing them. Whether the Prince or someone else gets the benefit I guess only time will tell but for now I am going to work hard and get what I want.

Found a great new song by Nickelback

Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback

This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren't enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with

`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I spend forever with?

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.

`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.

You can´t give up!
Lookin´ for that diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on

‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There has gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.


Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.

Nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There has gotta be somebody for me out there.


I think this is Snows new motto.

18 Days Later

I get a text. "I was away at the beach, no cell service, thinking of you."

What the hell do I say to that? Do I let it go and see what happens? DO I get mad and possessive and fight him about it? Do I make him wish he had kept in touch??? Damn Skippy!! common courtesy would say he should have told me he would be out of touch. So I say use abuse and make him think next time. I don't want to be any one's afterthought. I know someone who takes more time to be kind and he is unavailable to me. I just am still in shock. We texted a few times tonight and it seemed as if I was not an afterthought but one can never be too careful.

I just don't know what to make of this. Maybe if I wait for more word on what happened it will become clearer.

Wow 18 days, I think I might need a drink.

Knock me over with a feather why don't cha....

Knock me over with a feather why don't cha....

16 Days have passed and still no word. I have not texted called or really even worried about it. However that's not the focus of this post.

This post is about how the day went. I worked, typical monday-crazy insane work. I was sitting at my desk going over paperwork and the phone rang. My co-workers were talking so I was kind enough to grab the call. Turns out it was for me. The voice said is this Snow, Snow White? I said yes it is, That is when it hit me who was on the other end. I think my face turned about as red as a beet and I melted to the chair. It was flyboy.

Now up until now we have only emailed back and forth and had a great time doing so.

Well today I sent an email to him asking a question regarding his field of employment. I was curious to know something and thought he was the best source for information. Instead of emailing me, curiosity sent him to the telephone to call me. I sat there listening to this voice. A voice that took me back 20 years to being in high school and being that shy scared girl I was. Only now I am older, shouldn't I be able to form words? Not today. I sat there listening to him speak and thought, this has to be a dream, a joke even. I managed to say, "Oh my Gosh I just figured out who this was".

He laughed and we talked for about 30 minutes about the question I had that led him to being very curious about the situation. We talked about high school and our town and how crazy it was living in this area. We talked about places we had been and things we had done and seen. It was the best 30 minutes of my day. It sort of makes the last 16 days the prince has been out of the picture a very distant memory. He talked about other emails we had between us and remembered things that I did not. He remembered what I wore the last time we spoke. What guy remembers those things?? A very sweet decent one, that's what.

I sit here thinking about how crazy my day was and then this last hour has just blown my mind. He said he would call again and we could catch up. I should also be getting more photos of this dear old friend soon.

I started this post right after the phone call and it is now 5 hours later and I am still in shock. The best kind of shock. I never thought he would call me. I had hoped to be able to speak to him again but for him to actually take the time out of his busy day and reach out to me has touched me so very much. Not many people would even bother after 20 years.

So tonight this Snow White is feeling a little bit like a princess again. Thanks to a very sweet guy in uniform.

Twin Toy??

Day 12 and nothing. Texted and nothing. guess I am invisible again.

Why can’t you see me
Do I really even matter
You changed me completely
And I remember how it used to be
I got question what’s the lesson
I’m tired of being confused and I’m
I’m gonna take my chance and fly
I’m taking back my life

Wow these lyrics from Jennifer Hudson say it all. I am done with being invisible. It is my time. My time to shine.